Tuesday, March 1, 2011

How to be a Wedding Reception Negotiation Ninja

Here's the deal, y'all: Before I had this lucky break to be able to stay home with my kiddos and sew through my fingernails and bake cookies all day, I had a real job. (Yeah yeah. Motherhood is a real job. I get it. If we had to pay mothers for all of the jobs they do they would earn $1.4B a year or whatever. I read that article, too. Don't get all bra-burny on me; I'm just saying I used to collect a paycheck and go somewhere where they made me wear pantyhose and brush my hair.) I worked for hotels evaluating business opportunities and profit margins, and setting prices for hotel rooms and catering events. Know what that means? It means I know how to work the wedding system.

Gratuitous wedding photo :)

Unfortunately for my mom and dad, I didn't really get good at this until well after I was already married, and getting married again just to take advantage of the bargain didn't go over very well with my husband. The current recession isn't hurting buyers' negotiating power, either, so this could be a unique opportunity for those currently affianced to marry above their station - or maybe just wed above their station, like at the Four Seasons instead of the VFW. I have lots of friends and family who are planning weddings, and below is my standard advice.  But first:

{Wait! Important Caveat!}

{If you have a place and a date with which you have absolutely fallen in love, I can't really help you. This is also true if you have a very specific vision, down to the last eensy weensy detail. It's like anything else you buy - if you're not willing to walk away from it, you have no negotiating power. Just do me a favor: at the very least, don't tell the salesperson how much you justloveit and that you'd pay anything to have your wedding at their hotel/country club/livestock show and rodeo. Pretend to be a hardass. Play hard to get. There are too many deals out there right now to just hand them the sale!}

First things first: If you really want to save a pretty penny on your reception, you have to be flexible. The more flexibility, the better. Below are the options that you can toggle to make the most of the money you have budgeted for your reception. After you've chosen where you're willing to make some sacrifices, you must put together a Request for Proposal, and let the venues that you are willing to consider come to you with their best offers. We'll get to that later this week, but first the hard part: deciding what's important to you.

Day of Week, Time of Day

Saturday evening weddings are the most expensive, and Saturday brides will find their venue of choice least likely to work a deal on price. They're the most desirable, there are only about 48 good ones in a year,* and these receptions almost always include lots of expensive alcohol. Willing to get married on a Sunday morning? A Friday night? Even Saturday during the day can be a bargain if you negotiate it right. This leads us to our asterisk... There are only 48 good Saturdays in a year because some of them will fall on days that are not popular with the wedding crowd. Willing to get married on the Saturday after Thanksgiving? Bank! How about the Saturday before Easter? Perfect, if it works for you and your guests. These days have very little demand, and your wedding venue will likely leap at the chance to fill these empty days on their calendar.


As a general rule, buffet meals are more expensive for the caterer than plated meals served at the table. This is because the venue has to prepare extra food, and replenish the food eaten for whatever amount of time is agreed upon in the event contract. If you are willing to go completely 'chef's choice' on your menu, you can save big bucks. You're letting your caterer take advantage of economies of scale in his purchasing and in preparation of your food. He may choose to match your menu to one being served concurrently in a different ballroom, or order the same protein for your event as the one he's serving the night before. You can still specify the type of protein and number of choices available to guests, and agree to settle on a menu about two weeks before the date of the reception.


There is no reason to ever pay for an open, or 'hourly', bar. It will never work out in your favor. Caterers know this, and that's why many offer only this option in their wedding packages. The type of bar you want is called 'consumption'. You set a limit that you're willing to spend, and the caterer discretely lets you (or your designee) know during your reception when the tab is getting close to the predetermined limit. At this point you can decide whether you want to up the limit and keep serving, or make it last call.

There are lots of ways to limit alcohol costs, such as sticking to wine on the table or one signature cocktail. Many brides and grooms toy with the idea of bringing in their own alcohol, but beware: although laws vary from state to state, many venues with their own liquor licenses, such as hotels and country clubs, will not let you bring in your own alcohol unless you have some unusual preference that they can't get through their distributor. Even this is usually subject to a corkage fee - watch for hidden costs!

Lead Time

If you reserve your date a year in advance, you're generally not going to get a 'deal'. They may tell you that you are - free champagne toast, anyone? - but you aren't. They still have plenty of time to fill the date, and if it's not you, there's a good chance someone else will come along. Wait until 4 months out? It's getting dicey. Three months out? Name your price.

Room Setup

This is not the richest source of potential savings, but it's up there: Are you willing to be flexible with how your guests sit in the venue, or do you insist on rearranging the furniture to suit your own personal chi? The caterer has to pay someone to come in and schlep all of those tables and chairs around. If you're willing to go with the room arrangement of the wedding before you, it might give your caterer or reception location a little more flexibility in their pricing. This may mean that your guests sit at long tables when you expected them to be at round ones, but we're about saving dollars here, right?

Hotel Rooms

If your ideal list of reception locations includes any hotels, make sure you let the salesperson know at first contact how many out of town guests you expect will be staying the night, and when they will likely arrive and depart. If your guests stay on site, this increases the profitability of the event for your vendor, and they may be more flexible in your out of pocket costs.

This ought to give you a little bit to think about. On Thursday, I'll post my template for you to use for your opening negotiation with the venue. I'm happy to answer any questions that you might have!

Edited to add link to Part 2!  Warning:  There are bears.


  1. You is soooo funny.

    Did you watch Seinfeld? That's probably a stupid question and you're probably, at this moment saying, " Umm durr, who didn't? I have the George sexy photo shoot poster in my office, ah thank you very much..."
    Anywhoo, there was one episode where Jerry swore in front of a child. And the child kept repeating the swear. And at some point the kid is asked if he knows Jerry and the kid says, " Of course, he's a funny f*cker!"
    You are my Jerry. "...they made me wear pantyhose and brush my hair " was enough to make me want to take you on a romantic cruise.

  2. OMG, I just read the above comment and thought it was hilarious. Then I saw that it was Lesley, haha, I should have known. Want to make it a threesome for that cruise?
    Both times I got married it was on a Sunday. Maybe that day is jinxed? IF I ever do it again (a big IF), maybe we'll go to the courthouse on a thursday afternoon..... Seriously though, you have a lot of good tips in here. A lot of girls could benefit from getting away from their "dream wedding" vision and use your ideas.....

  3. I love your writing style...You are so funny.

    I am a new follower...lovin it.


  4. OHhhhh good tips. Especially for a gal looking to get engaged soon :D

    PS I'd love if you would link this up to my This is how I feel about...new series. Yours would be...this is how I feel about negotiating on wedding venues!! Share the tips around :)


  5. You absolutely crack me up. Every post I read has me laughing harder than the last. I've been married for almost 17 years and don't need to plan a wedding but I read this post to the end because it was such a hoot. Nicely done.

  6. I hopped over to your blog from Lesley's and love it!

    This post was INCREDIBLE and I absolutely can't wait to hear more of your insider secrets! I'll be getting married in the next decade... if my live-in ever gets on his damn knee.

    I'm your newest follower! :)

  7. I love love love your blog! I love the name,love the template,love the posts, love it ALL! Thanks for sharing!

  8. this is very good stuff..i would love for you to link it up to my fridays unfolded @ http://www.stuff-and-nonsense.net/2011/03/fridays-unfolded-8.html


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  9. Posted highlights from my "This is How I Feel About..." Link up party. Check it out!


  10. Great tips (my other blog is a wedding blog and I was a planner for 10 years). You hit on some very good points! I would love to repost this on my wedding blog with proper credit of course! I like to show a lot of different ideas about weddings.
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  161. : Assuming that you are mindful of your mom's decision, fragrances can be an incredible choice as Mothers day endowments to India. Pick a universal brand of scent suiting her decision and your occupation is carried out. Irrespective of her age or profession, watch is speaking to each lady on earth. However as this will be for an extraordinary event, go extravagant and attempt some genuine lofty ones for your mother.


  162. Once your Gifts for Mother functions hard in addition to requires time away, expertise gifting may very well be the most effective. Think about a comforting in addition to rousing club offer. Not many activities may identical the posh in addition to pleasure from a Swedish rub down. Perhaps she'd enjoy any heavy muscle rub down or perhaps a manicure of pedicure. Many gals like the particular pampering many people acquire by these vendors.

  163. Once your Gifts for Mother functions hard in addition to requires time away, expertise gifting may very well be the most effective. Think about a comforting in addition to rousing club offer. Not many activities may identical the posh in addition to pleasure from a Swedish rub down. Perhaps she'd enjoy any heavy muscle rub down or perhaps a manicure of pedicure. Many gals like the particular pampering many people acquire by these vendors.

  164. Mothers Day Flowers to India
    To make your own particular bloom additives, blend some lemon juice with a little measure of fade, or a teaspoon of sugar with a couple of drops of blanch. A few individuals don't accept that utilizing a natively constructed formula is as powerful as expert cut bloom nourishment in light of the fact that they don't contain the complex mixture of additives and supplements blossoms need to survive, yet from my experience and the experience of numerous others that I know in this field, it appears to work fine and dandy and is much less expensive. When you're fulfilled by the look of your bloom plan, keep the vase in a cool place in the room far from any direct daylight in order to evade quick breath. Quick breath in an extravagant term for the rate at which blooms age and begin to wither. Blossoms for the most part have a high breath rate and that is the reason they don't keep going the length of say an apple.

  165. Even if reduce tend to be found after the shifting has been ended i.e. while unpacking or putting in buy them at the position spot, they readily reimburse the client for their reduce either straight or indirectly.
    Packers and Movers in Hyderabad
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  166. Some of the packers and shifting companies Delhi reimburse losses straight by providing money or repairing the content by themselves as per their organization regulations.
    Packers and Movers in Mumbai
    Packers and Movers in Delhi
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  167. While some of them offer reimbursement indirectly through functions such as plans appropriate to shifting companies. So do not get attracted over a organization by seeing their less expenditure for shifting companies.
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  168. Flowers for Mothers summarize, bouquets incredibly presented in your mommy within this wedding ceremony are able to create your ex smile. A present involving bouquets from a daughter or son is known as a token involving precisely how pleased plus happy they are with regard to the person who ceaselessly presents appreciate and also take care of these individuals.
    Had been these records valuable?? If that's the case, why don't you find out more about bouquets. We've written yet another article concerning Romantic days celebration. To discover more about just what the particular bouquets symbolize on Romantic days celebration, visit here.

  169. This outstanding availability to projects or need for several packers and shifting companies Noida has led to the enhance in the extensive comprehensive extensive comprehensive extensive variety of packers and shifting companies Noida hosting their support and extending them to several other places.
    Packers and Movers Chennai
    Packers and Movers Noida
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    Packers and Movers Navi mumbai

  170. It is because, item overall look and shifting is provided by several companies which extensive comprehensive extensive variety from start-ups to extremely experienced shifting companies and packers Hyderabad.
    Packers and Movers Hyderabad
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  171. This stress due to the ambiguity which aroused during the shifting procedure can be separated away and nullified to an advanced stage by using the available resources like the globally web. The online and the appropriate accomplishments of online has cause to a awesome stage of detail regarding each and every social and other entities of personal way of lifestyle.
    Packers and Movers Mumbai
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  172. Are Mothers Day Flowers motionless a good manners Gift
    Blossoms are generally constantly this healthy alternative to provide this loving Lady in this life. I am talking about merely use a actual great look at the flower. It is a superb little bit of Mother Nature that decorative mirrors each and every exclusive character our own single parent's have got. When i live on this western world seacoast where by blooms of forms acquire nourished with more in comparison with regular wetness. Blossoms grow everywhere you go.

  173. Send

    mother’s day flowers to Delhi

    At last these insane occasion deals do support our economy and benefit some for the nation while our merchants discover approaches to profit off of the following insane day that gets on in the way of life. Purchasing your wife blooms is not too terrible at any rate, and recalling your mom is likewise something worth being thankful for to do. So notwithstanding when we know we are being cheated by these once a year sellers, despite everything we acknowledge that they are not absolutely doing an awful thing for the nation. Demonstrating a little love occasionally is not a terrible thing.



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